Some days I don't even understand how or why anyone loves me anymore.  With all the trauma I have changed so much from who I used to be.  A carefree girl, dancing through life with ambitions and compassion and love for everyone around me.  I was innocent, naive, enjoying life because everything was sunshine and flowers.

But I think that these feelings stem from the fact that it has been difficult for me to love.  Of course I still love those closest to me.  But, inside me it is hard to give when I feel numb and empty.  When I feel like so much has been taken from me that there is nothing left.

I think that time can only fill this back up--this empty hole inside of me.  I am confident that eventually this will happen, it God's time.  But it shows how significant a role love plays in each and every one of our lives.

It is what goes hand in hand with trust and respect and honor.  It's these things that make a true relationship.  He always said I love you.  Way before I was ready to say it back he kept saying it over and over again.  Even when I told him that I wasn't ready for that, it was too soon, I didn't want to say it back he kept saying it all the time, wearing me down, saying he couldn't understand why I couldn't say it back. I told him it made me uncomfortable.  But eventually I said it, to make him happy.  It was backwards--he charmed me into saying this, making me trust and respect him because of his false words.

That horrible night though he said very, very different words.  Words that were horrible and the very opposite of love.  After that he never told me again that he loved me.  He wouldn't say goodnight to me and wouldn't ever treat me well again.

I've learned one thing--trust and respect must come before love.  Because without those two things there is no foundation.  Emotions are funny things.  Right now mine might be based on months-old feelings and logic.  But deep inside I still really know who loves me, I still love them, and I take comfort in this without question.