Today someone asked me out.  I freaked.  Considering that it was my very best friend's ex-boyfriend as well as a very good friend's brother--the answer was obviously no.

My friends were there when I was asked, and they all had a different opinion on why I should refuse.  The fact that my life was even normal, that I was getting asked out was a shock.

I'm not ready to be in a relationship.  I could say I just got out of one and that's why.  But someone asking one out on a date--well that's not a relationship.  How does one explain that the one reason that I don't want to go out with anyone is that I can't trust.  I can barely be involved with a guy and most certainly not on an emotional level.

But you can't explain to every guy that flirts with you or asks you out that oh, you just got out of an abusive relationship and you were raped.

So I said I was tired.  Didn't want to go out that night.  That I wanted to sleep.

I know I don't owe anyone the truth, but it's pretty awful to have to make up lies and hope that they hold firm.

Cause I'm holding firm.  The wind may be trying to knock me over but I'll just ride it.  As best I can.